Category Archives: Forgiveness

The Answer is Always “God”

Most people are still stressed because of year-long pandemic restrictions, economic worries, family worries, or just wondering, “What’s happened to our world”?

And I’m squarely in that camp. In February, I signed up for a Church History tour in July that I haven’t been able to fully anticipate because it may be cancelled due to COVID restrictions. In normal times, I could have registered and enjoyed months of happy anticipation, but I haven’t allowed myself that pleasure because it would just set me up for a bigger disappointment should it be cancelled. This made me both sad and angry, mostly angry. Somebody STOLE our future! I’m not alone in that feeling and have heard others’ frustrations expressed in many forms: indignation, anxiety, negativity – abnormal for those people in better times. Continuing the thoughts from my previous post, I did all those things but finally turned to inspirational reading.

I got one of my favorites off the shelf: The Hiding Place, a memoir by Corrie ten Boom, a Dutch survivor of the WWII women’s concentration camp Ravensbruck where she and her sister were sent because her family helped Jews escape the Nazi net in Holland. She also lost her father after only 10 days in prison, a beloved nephew, and a brother who died soon after being released from their local prison.

Why did a Christian family put themselves in harm’s way? They could have just sat out the war safely repairing clocks, all while enjoying their large, happy family and many friends. Corrie’s father Casper ten Boom was a devout Christian who put his faith into action and gave a message of hope and faith to everyone he met.

He loved the Jewish people because of their great destiny and heritage. While out walking with Corrie during the German occupation of their town, Corrie commented on the many people forced to wear a yellow star marking them as Jewish: Father, those poor people!
Her father replied: Those poor people.
But to Corrie’s surprise she saw that he was looking at the soldiers now forming into ranks.
I pity the poor Germans, Corrie. They have touched the apple of God’s eye [the Jews, to be persecuted and murdered by the Nazi regime].
He really lived the commandment to Love Your Enemies, a lesson Corrie would have to work hard to master later on.

Casper was also a wise father and knew how to teach difficult lessons. After Corrie had accompanied her mother and older sister to a family grieving the death of an infant, she was invited to touch a small, cold hand. Corrie was shocked by her sudden introduction to the physical reality of death. Later that night, she burst into tears upon seeing her beloved father, declaring, You can’t die! You can’t. I need you! Her father wisely counseled her:

Corrie, when you and I go to Amsterdam – when do I give you your ticket?
Corrie: Why, just before we get on the train.
Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we’re going to need things, too. Don’t run out 
ahead of Him, Corrie. When the time comes that some of us will have to die, you will look into your 
heart and find the strength you need – just in time.

And isn’t that how our Heavenly Father works with us? We are expected to move forward in faith, believing that we’ll “get our ticket” just when we need it. Many of us gaze into the future and try to see what’s coming. While it is good to be prepared, there comes a time to turn the future over to God – a burden only He can really carry – trusting Him to give us our ticket when we really need strengthening, direction, or protection.

An example from my own life: I sometimes worry excessively about my children and grandchildren, before they take a long trip or when my son goes mountain biking on rough terrain. During one of his outings, I couldn’t control my anxiety for him, so I remembered God’s promise to quiet our inner storms (2 Corinthians 1:3-7). Then I knelt and said a formal prayer asking that my fears be removed and peace descend. As I arose, that peace did appear and anxiety didn’t return. Sharing my concerns with my son when he returned for his hero’s breakfast, he replied, Don’t worry, Mom, I’m careful and I don’t want to die!
But it would have helped if he hadn’t sent me videos of a dare-devil rider on that same trail!
In any case, I got my ticket from an understanding God just when I needed it!

Corrie always looked up to her two sisters, Nollie and Betsie, as well as her father as model Christians, living their beliefs every day. But she struggled. In Ravensbruck, they spent many hours in a room infested with fleas that caused much discomfort. Betsie counseled her to be thankful in all things, even in this.

1 Thessalonians 5:18:
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Corrie couldn’t believe that meant being thankful for fleas, but they proved a blessing when they could teach their fellow prisoners from a hidden Bible, unmolested by the guards who wouldn’t go in that room!

In her follow-up book, Tramp for the Lord, the Years after The Hiding Place, Corrie feels called by the Lord to travel the word and teach the Christian lessons from her childhood and years of Nazi oppression. Each short chapter teaches another lesson she learned from almost 40 years of trusting the Lord to lead her in her travels and ministry.

Corrie Happy In the Service of God

Called reluctantly to return to post-war Germany with a message of hope and God’s love, she wrote:

The Germans had lost face in defeat. Their homes had been destroyed and when they heard the 
enormity of Hitler’s crimes (which many Germans knew nothing about) they were filled with despair. 
As they returned to their Fatherland they felt they had nothing to live for. . . . Then in a refugee camp, Corrie spotted an elderly woman who had been a concert pianist. Finding a broken-down piano, she played the Chromatic Fantasy of Bach beautifully. Tears came to Corrie’s eyes as she thought of wounded Germany, left with only the remnants of the past, but still able to play beautiful music. Such a nation will survive to create again, she thought.

Then Corrie told this woman what she had learned in Ravensbruck: Love still stands when all else has fallen. In the concentration camp they took all we had, even 
made us stand naked for hours at a time without rest, but they could not take Jesus from my heart. 
Ask Jesus to come into your life. He will give you riches no man can take away from you.

While it was hard for Corrie to face a return to Germany, it was harder still to face a former guard, who came forward after one of her speeches on God’s love and forgiveness. Here’s her account of that meeting:

“It came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights; the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the centre of the floor; the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister’s frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were! The place was Ravensbruck and the man who was making his way forward had been a guard – one of the most cruel guards. Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out. A fine message, Fraulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!

“And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course . . . but I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt . . . You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk. I was a guard there. But since that time, I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well, Fraulein – again the hand came out – will you forgive me?

“And I stood there – I whose sins had again and again to be forgiven – and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place – could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking?”

But she knew that God’s offer of forgiveness has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. If you do not forgive men their trespasses, Jesus says, neither will your father in heaven forgive your trespasses. Corrie saw many war victims and commented: Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. But those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and horrible as that.

“And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion – I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. Jesus, help me! I prayed silently. I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling. And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.

I forgive you, brother! I cried. With all my heart. . . . I realized it was not my love. I had tried, and did not have the power. It was the power of the Holy Spirit as recorded in Romans 5:5:
because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us
.”

Corrie ten Boom, Love Your Enemy

And the promise of God’s strengthening grace is given to us in all circumstances when our own powers are inadequate. I remember when I was asked only a day before Father’s Day to fill in for a speaker in my church’s Sacrament Meeting the next morning. I thought, this isn’t hard. We have the greatest Father of all in God, plus the great ancient patriarchs Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. But no matter how I approached this talk, nothing came together. Everything I wrote came out sounding like an essay or lesson, not a tribute to everyday fathers. Finally, I just gave it back to the Lord and walked into church knowing He would help me and “give me my ticket” just as I needed it. I sat on the stand completely relaxed, smiling at the congregation anticipating along with them what message the Lord would have me share!

When my turn came, I walked calmly to the podium, never looked at my notes and almost heard the words from God: Stand aside, your talk’s rubbish. I’ll take it from here. And He did. It suddenly came to me to pay tribute to my earthly father, then my great-great-grandfather who was the last Christian in the Kent line to that point (a human spiritual father I look up to), and finally to my son, a devoted dad to my two grandchildren. The talk flowed easily. I enjoyed it and several people later told me that they did too.

Over my many years of living, I’ve learned over and over that God will fill our gaps. Gaps of courage, of faith, of inspiration, of direction when we truly need it and ask for it. I just have to keep reminding myself of that: to ask. And the more we exercise faith our faith muscles, the stronger they grow. The Christian road is often hard but there is a paradise waiting at the end. And not just in the next life but also at the end of every struggle, every challenge!

Second Coming – Courtesy: https://heavenready.blogspot.com/2015/10

When Our Own Powers Fail Us

I have felt something recently I think many of us have as well – a “sea change” in how we experience the world, how we see our future, and even the stability of the Earth below our feet! I don’t believe we’ve had so much division and animosity in our nation since the build-up to the Revolutionary War when Patriots and Loyalists were 180° apart, but I expect they still had better manners than we do . . . .

Mount Rushmore, courtesy Wikipedia Commons – Can You Identify All Four?

Never before has civility and social maturity been at such a low ebb. No matter what label you give to the opposing camps in our country or what side you may be on, both seem to feel justified in pointing the finger at the other, in the most juvenile ways. Each assumes they have all right and virtue is on their own side, that the other has no merit at all and is worthy of any name-calling and nastiness they can throw at it.

When I was going through school long, long ago, this type of attitude and behavior was almost unheard of. Yes, there were teachers and others who let their opinions and egos get a little out of control, but the general standard was a tacit acknowledgement that truth was bigger than all of us and that no one had a patent on it. Many of my teachers would say, “The more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know.” Additionally, I felt and believed that there was an “umbrella of ultimate truth” arching over mortal life and that it was the adventure of a lifetime to discover even some of it. Christians call this attitude humility, academics call it objectivity, and others might just say “open-mindedness.” The standard in journalism was always a mandate to present both sides as objectively as possible, leaving opinions to the editorial page. That seems to be absolutely gone now. Opinions masquerade as facts and dissenters are vilified without a hearing. The events surrounding this presidential election have rocked my world and that of many others.

Where did these thoughts lead me? First, I believe we need a return to civil dialogue that doesn’t focus on snippets of behavior, personality, and superficial judgments. One of my bosses many years ago, the Human Resources Manager of a large company, said many times that he “first seeks to understand before he seeks to be understood.” That’s probably a good place to start: asking someone to explain not only what their opinion is, but why they have it.

That then can lead into a discussion of goals, principles, and values. When people of seemingly opposing positions get to this point, they often realize they have the same or similar values and goals, but may differ on how to get there. However, with a little effort, goodwill is retained, respect increases, and the potential for unity, not discord, grows.

Finally, I think it’s a great idea to affirm the other person’s good intentions, the areas where you can agree, and then politely “agree to disagree” civilly about the others. I loved the title of a book that came out in the 1960s, I’m OK, You’re OK. We can affirm someone’s inherent worth and intentions even if we seem to be diametrically opposed philosophically.

Handshake of Goodwill – Courtesy Pixabay.com Image 3139227

This isn’t even the main thrust of my topic today, which is how to internally deal with uncertainty, insecurity, fear, even terror, and then how to not let these feelings cripple our ability to function.

We can start by trying do our best and be our best while we push through fear – to act “as if” we were fearless. Then we can make a conscious effort to interact with others in a kind, understanding way, and contribute something of worth to society. Our fears may not disappear entirely but at least they won’t cripple us. Then we can work on conquering them over the long haul. But even with our best efforts, we will often find we’re at the end of our own resources of insight and energy. That’s the time to seek a greater power around us and beyond us. I think most of us experience that already, no matter what we call it. There are many paths to tap into that higher energy, and we each have to find our own. Mine starts with reflection, identifying why I’m feeling as I do, what my options are, and then calling for “the powers of heaven” to enlarge my natural insight and abilities, sought in concentrated prayer. I reach for both specific guidance and general comfort.

The answer often starts with a peace that soothes my soul and stills my agitation. As I sincerely listen, I receive insight on my specific issues from that greater power either immediately or in the hours that follow as I take action, putting “one foot into the darkness.” While I continue to believe in that power and seek it whole-heartedly, it never fails to show up. Not everyone calls it God or prayer, but that’s my path so bear with me as I describe my own process. At the end of the Book of Mormon we read, And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.  And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things. This scripture is specifically referring to receiving spiritual teachings, but when we receive or experience something in another sphere of life, the process is the same. When we’re stumped we can:

  1. Ask with a sincere heart: We have to really want an answer outside of our own opinions and wishes
  2. Ask with real intent: We have to be willing to act on the answer. God is merciful and doesn’t want us to be accountable for a truth greater than we are willing to live because He’s also a God of justice and has to allow us to experience the consequences of not following His higher truth once He’s revealed it, if that’s what we choose.
  3. Ask with faith in Christ: We have to believe in a higher power, the real higher power, or our asking is like spitting in the wind. We won’t like where seeking a false power eventually goes: disappointment, bitterness, or much worse. Whatever we call our higher power, if we seek a positive one, it will lead us to greater light and peace.

After prayer and reflection, I play great music from composers and performers who are also tapping into that greater power. You might try listening to the following: The Tabernacle Choir on Temple Square Christmas concert 2012 featuring soloist David Archuleta. His angelic voice, the inspired music, even the accompanying dancers all create a magical experience that moves me to tears every time I view it. Listen here. Or Pie Jesu, sung by Sarah Brightman and written for her by Andrew Lloyd-Webber, here on YouTube. And the whole score of Phantom of the Opera sends me right over the edge!

Look at great art. I have a poster on my bedroom wall that I see at the start and end of each day. It’s a portion of a larger Da Vinci painting I saw in London’s National Gallery. It’s an angel watching over Mary and Jesus. In the dark night around them, there are flower petals floating by. Her face is tilted toward a soft light with a reflective gaze. The curls around her ear reflect that light, showing she is listening for the voice of her maker. Her shoulder also leans into that light and tells me not only is she seeking inspiration but she’ll act on it. I never fail to calm down and seek those same subtle petals of inspiration. Here it is:

Da Vinci, Madonna on the Rocks, a Print from the National Gallery in London

Then there’s what initially appears to be just pure escapism when we’re too tired to be productive – for me, it’s reading, viewing a TV show or movie. And I find that if I up my standards just a little, I will discover people who are great examples of courage, goodness, and service who inspire me to carry on and do a little better, as well as see the reward at the end of a long tunnel, all while being entertained and getting a nice break from my to-do list. Some of my fav’s:

  1. I love the old Broadway musicals: South Pacific, The Music Man, Oklahoma.  But a lesser known one, State Fair with Dana Andrews and Jeanne Crain is a frequent guilty pleasure. Filmed in 1945, it takes me right back to my Iowa roots and my own teenage dreams of finding romance by chance. It’s pure escape but affirms my belief that happiness can overtake us when we least expect it.
  2. Chip and Joanna Gaines on Fixer Upper. Yes, we step into a light-hearted, sometimes goofy, account of how this couple transforms houses into homes for their clients but we also see what kind of people they are, their high standards of workmanship, and the caring they pour into personalizing a home for a particular family. Plus the clients have stories that often inspire, while Chip goofs off. My favorite gag is him playing the church lady when he finds an organ in a thrift store, donning a wig and doing her voice perfectly – hilarious!
  3. I love a little known British mini-series, House of Eliott. It’s about two sisters who suddenly face a reversal of fortune and how they cope. Over about eight years, we are given a glimpse into their personal and professional lives as fashion designers in 1920s London. Older sister Beatrice is 30 and Evangeline is 18 when the story begins. Bea is cynical and driven. Evie is naive and artistic. They craft a fashion design business and lurch their way to personal happiness, along with many of their staff. The characters are unique, the writing, acting and lush costumes are superb. You can get lost in their story, forget your troubles, and also come away with unforgettable people who teach you something valuable.
House of Eliott Set Cover, PBS

Finally, I read books and watch shows that deal with adversity that at least transforms nebulous fears into specific and hopefully more manageable ones – if these people coped, perhaps I can too. Here are a few to get your started:

  1. Victor Herman, Coming Out of the Ice: His father is sent to Stalin’s Russia in the 1930s to help them launch their auto industry. Gymnast Victor is expected to represent Russia in the Olympics but when he refuses to give up his American citizenship to do so, the whole family is put in a concentration camp. What he does to survive 18 years in Siberia is simply unforgettable. (NOTE: There are two editions, one for Christian readers without the bad language the publisher inserted, much to the author’s chagrin.)
  2. Immaculee Ilibagiza, Left to Tell: This young woman spent 3 months hiding in her priest’s bathroom with 5 other women to escape the slaughter of the tribal war in Rwanda between the Hutu’s and the Tutsi’s. She spent her days praying and sending out unconditional love even while hearing sounds of the murder of her favorite brother right outside. Three times while being transported to safety by UN soldiers, they were nearly attacked again. Each time she prayed and sent that same love towards them – and they just disappeared back into the jungle! She eventually made it to the US, worked at the UN, married and had a family. Visiting Rwanda later, she saw the difference between those who could forgive and move forward and those who could not. Another amazing story.
  3. ABC’s biggest TV mini-series ever (1983 and 1988): Winds of War and War and Remembrance. Most library systems have the DVDs to check out. Winds of War can be purchased from Amazon, but it’s impossible to find an affordable set of War and Remembrance. This is simply the most amazing 48 hours of viewing I’ve ever experienced. Based on Herman Wouk’s best selling novels of the same name, Producer and Director Dan Curtis filmed in 10 countries with a cast of 44,000 (mostly extras) while telling the story of two fictional American families during WWII. Once again, every component was amazing and there were many moments of inspiration woven into top-notch entertainment. Of special note was John Gielgud cast as Aaron Jastrow in War and Remembrance. His speech in the “Luxury Ghetto” of Theresienstadt is simply one of the most moving dramatic experiences of my life.

Find the cultural experiences that speak to you. We are heirs of the richest culture in the history of mankind, Western Civilization. While it’s under attack right now, we can have the assurance that “nothing good will be lost” as uttered by early LDS leader, Brigham Young:

“The business of the Elders of this Church (Jesus, their elder brother, being at their head), is to gather up all the truths in the world pertaining to life and salvation, to the Gospel we preach, to mechanisms of every kind, to the sciences, and to philosophy, wherever they may be found in every nation, kindred, tongue and people, and bring it to Zion.”  The “Gathering” was to be not only a bringing together of people, but of all the treasures surviving in the earth from every age and culture; “Every accomplishment, every polished grace, every useful attainment in mathematics, music, in all science and art belong to the Saints, and they rapidly collect the intelligence that is bestowed upon the nations, for all this intelligence belongs to Zion.  All the knowledge, wisdom, power, and glory that have been bestowed upon the nations of the earth, from the days of Adam till now, must be gathered home to Zion.”  “What is this work?  The improvement of the condition of the human family.”  
                (Hugh Nibley quoting Brigham Young in Why I Believe, a collection of essays from prominent LDS members, published by Bookcraft, SLC, 2002; originally from Brother Brigham Challenges the Saints, 1994, emphasis added)   NOTE: “Saints” means “followers of Christ,” not perfect beings. Also note, Zion mentioned here will include all good people who survive the events described in The Book of Revelation, in the New Testament.

Finally, I’m a Christian because of my direct, life-changing experience with the Spirit of God intimately confirming teachings about Jesus and eternal life. See my earlier post describing it: HERE. Zion and Jerusalem have a great destiny in the next chapter of man’s journey. From Isaiah in the Old Testament:

And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the mountain of the Lord’s house shall be established in the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills; and all nations shall flow unto it. And many people shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths: for out of Zion shall go forth the law, and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem.  And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more. O house of Jacob, come ye, and let us walk in the light of the Lord. (Isaiah 2:2-5, emphasis added)

Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are taught that Zion will be established on this continent and will have many leadership roles in the Millennium, while Jerusalem will be a great spiritual center, as all good people will be gathered in, to learn and progress at their own rate. Coupled with the idea that all the great achievements of every age past will be preserved, we have a lot to look forward to. But we also know, it will take the miracles of God to free us from the chaos descending upon us and all of Western Civilization. Those miracles will be so great that they will even eclipse the parting of the Red Sea in Moses’ day. See Jeremiah 16:14-15

Galaxy Milky Way Lit by Delicate Arch – Pixabay Image 896885

Ultimately, we know from scriptures who wins the battle between Good and Evil, so we can have confidence that our sorrows, fears, and afflictions will be temporary and will be swallowed up in victory:

So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? . . . But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord. (New Testament: 1 Corinthians 15:54-55, 57-58, emphasis added)

Our “labour” is to contribute to the “growing good of the world” (from the end of the English novel, Middlemarch) building on the rich heritage behind us and looking forward to the even greater one that awaits all of us!

So my last coping mechanism is picturing that glorious life where everyone receives the reward of their thoughts, words, and actions, and what role I might be able to play there. If we all do this, we can then really focus on creating a new world of goodness, happiness and unity, under the wings of our Savior, Jesus Christ, and our Heavenly Father who loves us, right now.

That is comfort indeed – so let’s keep civilization alive by being civil, then stand up and keep the faith! 

The Blessings of Healing and Forgiveness

Today was the first really cool morning in several weeks. As I came home from my morning walk, I decided it was the perfect time to trim my three day lily plants – all the flower stalks were dead and the ends of the leaves were brown. I snipped the dead stalks with my rose cutters and trimmed the leaves quite drastically with my kitchen scissors. It was tedious work but it looked and felt great when I was done.

I find that tending my soul is a lot like tending a garden. This week, I’m coming to the end of processing a difficult social situation in which I was unfairly judged, then talked about, and finally the butt of some nonverbal rejection – all without my knowing what prompted it – hurtful in the extreme! I went through a series of reactions:

  1. Lord, was it me?  No. But it took a couple of weeks for me to believe it even though God took away my initial pain very quickly.
  2. Lord, how did this happen? I heard a voice in my head of the person and their original words that lit the flame of gossip.
  3. The Lord prompted me to share my experience discreetly with a few of my friends, without naming names. They had neither heard nor participated in the loose talk, and their support was quite healing.
  4. I felt a surge of confidence, and began looking people squarely in the eye.
  5. I met with our group’s leader. We came to a mutual understanding and a changed role for me.
  6. Then, for about a week, I felt righteous indignation and mentally said the words, You trashed my good name – I want it back! It felt very cleansing to acknowledge what happened and it’s effect on me, even if only privately.
  7. Monday, all of a sudden, it didn’t feel good to be indignant. I felt myself cross a line into bitterness and petty accusation, so I decided to create a more forgiving frame of mind. I doubt those involved realized the extent of what they did.
  8. Now I’m planning to initiate a visit with the two people who I know began this and deliver a calm “I Message” of how much this hurt me and our whole group. I’ll urge them to repent and get right with the Lord, then assure them of my well wishes. I’ll practice the wording and feelings of charity so I can speak with the right spirit.

It was painful weeding out my budding feelings of resentment and growing animosity but the peace that followed was worth it. Then I remembered The Nine Steps of Forgiveness and Healing From Abuse from my files:

  1. Accept reality, come out of denial, acknowledge and condemn sin [but not the sinner]. BLESSING: A fullness of joy
  2. Protect yourself from further harm. [You have a stewardship to care for yourself.] BLESSING: Justice and safety
  3. Pray for your offender, with specifics.
    BLESSING: Your heart is softened.
  4. Honest grief over loss and pain.
    BLESSING: Freedom to receive real healing [not just stuffed feelings]
  5. Resist bitterness and animosity.
    BLESSING: Humility
  6. Be accountable for your own reaction to abuse.
    BLESSING: Control and personal power
  7. Receive the Atonement of Christ, face our own weakness and give it to Him.
    BLESSING: Your burden is lifted.
  8. Let go of anger, pain, blame and shame/guilt.
    BLESSING: Restoration of personal dignity
  9. Offer compassion and understanding [this is not approval of abuse].
    BLESSING: Empowerment, fullness of joy (full circle back to Step 1)

My process didn’t follow this sequence in order, but I’ve covered the bases and am working on the final steps. This week, I looked Step 7 squarely in the eye and didn’t like how I was feeling. It wasn’t worthy of a Christian, so I told my ego to “take a hike”! I’m preparing to tackle Step 9 and am asking the Lord to give me the words, the compassion, and the confidence to undertake this in the proper spirit.

I think forgiveness is one of the hardest challenges we face, but it’s also one of the most liberating. It sets us free from the past, and it also sets those who hurt us free – to change or not. Then it’s between them and their maker, not between them and us!

If you’re feeling burdened by the past, please let the Master Healer help release you.

Peace at the Heart of the Rose Courtesy Pixabay.com

Peace at the Heart of the Rose
Courtesy Pixabay.com Image 270729

Tough Decisions

Throughout my life, I’ve faced some complicated social situations that have defied simple answers. I’ve learned the hard way that when these challenges come along, the quickest way through them is to allow them to be lessons, not punishments. This takes me to my knees sooner rather than later. Why did it take me this long to understand? Especially when God’s promised rewards are so great and repeated so often in scripture.

We all know that Christianity and other religions counsel us to be charitable and forgiving, and I won’t argue with that. But sometimes that isn’t the whole story. You can forgive someone who repeatedly wounds your feelings, or worse, but then you have to decide how to relate to them in the future. Do we just lie down and let the hurtful behavior continue? Do we let that person hurt your family and friends? Does a relationship bring out the worst in ourselves, and what do we do about that? I propose that there aren’t easy answers nor rules to follow here.

In my church, we are given the gift of the Holy Ghost when we’re baptized so that we can receive personal, divine guidance for situations that are too complicated for simple rules. A gospel teacher once said, “We have only 10 Commandments for a reason – the rest of the time, we need God’s guidance coupled with our own efforts.”

In the 1990s, I was on the HOA Board of the condominium building where I lived, and we faced some sticky problems relating to each other and the owners at large. Another board member said something I’ve never forgotten:  “A relationship is a lot like being inside a large circle of rope on the ground; sometimes problems can’t be solved, so you just need to step out of the circle – just STEP OUT.” Wow, that seemed harsh at first, especially to someone like myself who can overdo the “mothering the whole world” mentality. But we can’t take care of everyone, we can’t make every relationship work (“it takes two to tango”), and we don’t have unlimited emotional and physical energy to invest without robbing other areas of our lives where we can be effective. Coupled with divine confirmation, I have actually found this to be both liberating and a quicker path to reconnection, should that be possible.

None of this should discount the very real times when we need to stick it out in a long-term relationship with serious challenges: a family member with an addiction, an ongoing health problem, or a rebellious child – to name just a few. Sorting out whether a situation calls for us to stay or to go is tricky and shouldn’t be undertaken lightly. As Dr. Phil repeatedly advises, in a marriage with children, you have to earn your way out: prayer, counseling, legal advice, more prayer, etc.

I like the classic book, The Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Lerner that goes into far greater detail on gracefully stepping away or drawing closer. Don’t we ultimately want to dance through life – riding rhythms of energy, creativity, love and service – and “mount up with wings as eagles” (Isaiah 40:31). A final remembered quote: We are constantly deciding whether to love or pass unswervingly by.

The world doesn’t acknowledge God much anymore, especially not in a positive way – how we miss out!  From Proverbs 3:5-6, 11-12:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways, acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. . .
My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction:
For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.

Getting spiritual answers is like finding lily of the valley blooms in my grandmother’s garden as a child. They were hiding under the greenery and I had to push it aside to find them, a lot like pushing aside our daily busyness to find God. More and more, I find it’s worth the trouble to pray, then wait for inspiration.

Lily of the Valley Courtesy Pixabay.com

Lily of the Valley
Courtesy Pixabay.com